


Of Hearts & Whiskey.

by CancerianWastelandCat



Series: OH&W (Aozuki) [1]
Category: SCREW (Band), the GazettE
Genre: Alcoholism, Angst, Despair, Drinking, Fluff, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, request
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 17:54:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12869898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CancerianWastelandCat/pseuds/CancerianWastelandCat
Summary: In which Kazuki's despair bottles up and empties out at 2am.





	Of Hearts & Whiskey.

 

 

 

**2008**

  
_“S-Stop that!”_

" _Hey, I didn’t know you were sensitive on your knees, that’s funny.”_

_“Just stop it.”_

_“Oi, don’t look at me like that, I’m just teasing.”_

Teasing. It’s always been teasing.

**2011**

_“Stop it, Aoi-san.”_

_“Why would I?”_

_“Eh- What do you mean, why- “_

_“Jeez Kaz, I’m just teasing you, calm down.”_

Right?

**2016**

  
_“How have you been? I’ve been a bit worried lately.”_

_"_ _Quite okay. Without the band, it’s no- Wh-What are you doing?”_

_“Hn, still as shy as I remember. I’m just teasing, Kaz.”_

Hasn’t it, Aoi?

  
~*~

**Now**  

  
It was probably a bad idea to get drunk on his own. A really bad idea. But then again, it was opening doors. Doors he had opened many times before but had never dared to step through. He was going to stumble through a very ominous one tonight.

It was fifteen minutes past two in the morning when Kazuki finally realized that he’d been staring at the screen of his cellphone for at least half an hour. The only thing he could read clearly was the name of the contact-

_Asshole_

-but all the letters below that were as blurred and labile as his emotional stability. Meaning they were about to crumble apart right before him.

_mobile phone: +81 27whyareyounotcallingme_

_private phone: +81 56ineedyouaoi_

_e-mail: shirpleasejustbehereforme_

Something was swaying, back and forth, left to right, in sweeping and pulsating motions. Was it his brain, intoxicated by the cheap whiskey he’d been jugging down all this time? Was it his heart, beating insecurely but just as fast as the thick, grey clouds that were starting to cover the sky? Or was it actually his thumb that was shaking and hovering above the green call button?

_Probably that._

The urge to just tap his finger down on the screen was more than _there_ , it was yelling inside his mind, begging for him to demand an explanation, finally, after everything he’d been through with the raven-haired guitarist. It wasn’t much to Aoi, though, Kazuki knew. It was nothing to him, just teasing. For Kazuki though… it was the weight of the world on his shoulders.

And before he even realized that he’d pressed two buttons, the call and the loudspeaker, the sound of the dialing tone was already there, cold and distant in the silence.

Kazuki’s eyes were fixed on the carpet between his feet but he didn’t really see anything. The city’s flickering neon lights that came through the window before him were dancing around on the grey fabric but where he usually enjoyed watching them from his bed, he couldn’t have been more disgusted by it now.

It reminded him of the first and only night Aoi had spent here, drunk and completely out of it after one of PSC’s anniversary parties. They’d shared the bed, even blankets and God, would it have been easy to engage the guitarist in something more than teasing, something closer to what he _really_ craved.

But he couldn’t do it. He’d chickened out.

The phone was still ringing. It meant that at least it wasn’t turned off, right? And he was sure he wasn’t going to be sent to voice mail anytime soon, either. Aoi didn’t like having to check it all the time so he’d switched off. Good for him.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

Kazuki looked up at the sound of his voice, past the bottle and through the window. Aoi sounded sleepy, slightly irritated and he could well imagine him with his eyes squinted shut while he pressed the phone to his ear.

He didn’t say anything. Not for an entire minute or two that he spent focusing on how sore his throat felt after downing glas after glas. Not until it was Aoi’s voice, again, that finally coaxed words to fall from his lips.

“Oi. Don’t tell me you called in the middle of the fucking night just to say nothing to me. Do that in your drea- ”

“I hate you.”

It did the trick, for both of them. Somewhere from deep within his heart came a sob across his lips and it fueled the shock that was almost tangible in Aoi’s silentness that followed.  
Kazuki’s mind felt numb and he didn’t know whether to thank the alcohol for that or doom it.

“I hate you so much.”

He heard the sound of rustling bed sheets, probably Aoi sitting up now that realization was hitting him, but Kazuki only squeezed his eyes shut as if it was going to stop the pain.

“Ka- “

“You’re a thief!”

_What, where did that come from?_

“What?”

“You’re a fucking thief!” he repeated, his voice louder and thick with tears, shaken by the despair that was overcoming him, “You stole my heart and you played with it like it was _nothing_ and now you’re not even fucking giving it back!”

The fact that Aoi didn’t reply _immediately_ , didn’t _instantly_ dive into the biggest apology, only made it worse. The utter desire for the raven’s love, his _presence_ , his touch, his _warmth_ , that had been haunting him ever since their very first meeting so many years ago was piling up higher and higher and it was so, so close to making him explode.

“Have you been drinking?”

_Just a little closer._

Kazuki felt his mouth falling open as he stared at his phone in disbelief. His hands curled into fists. Was that the only thing he could think of? Was his alcohol consumption the only thing Aoi was worried about? He almost scoffed.

“I might have,” he breathed out, feeling a sudden wave of… emptiness flood him. A mood swing? A 180 degree turn, maybe. It wouldn’t surprise him.  
  
Slowly, his head dropped backwards and onto the bed with a soft thud. Why was he doing this to himself? He shouldn’t have called the older guitarist in the first place. It wasn’t going to get him anywere. He’d confess his feelings and Aoi was going to shrug it off as drunk jibberish. Or maybe he was going to give him a cocky response, _tease him._

He scoffed now but it was weak.

“I shouldn’t hav- “

“I’m coming over.”

It was unexpected. Clearly not planned. Kazuki snapped his eyes open to the renewed sound of rustling coming from the other end of the line. Aoi was getting up.

“What?!” he snarled at his phone. Another 180 and he was back to feeling the anger rising in his veins. Why would he be coming over? He hadn’t cared for him all this time. Kazuki didn’t need Aoi’s pretentious concern. He didn’t want it. He wanted to yell and scream and _fight_ him, hurt him just like he’d been hurt.

“You don’t come over, it’s not like you care, Aoi! You never fucking cared for anything! I don’t need you pretending as if yo- “

“Shut the fuck up.”

And even though he had definitely yelled, Aoi’s voice, as serene as ever, made him stop in the middle of his sentence as if a brick had hit him. The sound of footsteps and keys being grabbed reached his ears. He wanted to oppose but the other’s voice left no room for backtalk.

“I said I’m coming over.”

Then nothing. Aoi had hung up.

  
~*~

  
The hectic knock on his door came about fifteen minutes later. Aoi had hurried, apparently.  
  
Kazuki didn’t want to get up. The alcohol had long begun to set in and he wasn’t ready for everything to start spinning around him. Maybe another glas would help calm his nerves down. Clumsily, he reached for the almost emptied bottle and poured the rest into the glas. He didn’t care that quite a bit of the liquid was spilling over the rim and staining the carpet.

“Open the god damn door or I swear I’ll kick it down!”

He didn’t care about anything. Nothing but the sweet-bitter taste of liquor, of _just go away_ and _no please stay with me._

“Kazuki!”

Ugh. His name out of his mouth put a damper on his mock reluctance. He hated what it did to him.

Everything was _definitely_ spinning and Kazuki groaned as he finally got up, taking multiple seconds to find his balance before he, tottering, made his way to the front door of his apartment.

Aoi looked pissed. With his head tilted to the side questioningly, he had one hand stemmed against the door frame and his forehead was showing a deep frown.

“What are you doing?”

But he didn’t sound pissed. Not at all.

In fact, the raven sounded so awfully concerned that Kazuki was pretty sure the sudden peng in his chest was his heart starting to rip open. Suddenly he felt ashamed for making the guitarist worry in the middle of the night.

“N-Nothing,” he murmured and lowered his head but knowing that the elder wasn’t going to let him get away just like this, he stepped aside tardily.

In any other case, Kazuki would have been delighted to watch him shrug off his leather jacket and slip off his shoes but it was the exact opposite now. He didn’t want Aoi here and yet he did. He didn’t want to end up forced to pour his heart out and yet he knew he had to.  
Aoi looked at him from calm eyes, silently and thoughtfully for a very long time and his expression seemed to soften the longer he looked, the more Kazuki continued nibbling on his lip, playing with the piercing, avoiding his gaze.

_He knows, doesn’t he?_

Then he took a deep breath and Kazuki was just about to start begging him for forgiveness when all the raven actually did was sigh.

“ _C’mere,_ ” he exhaled softly, stepping up to him, _pulling him close_ with such determination that it took all of Kazuki’s breath away. He stumbled and fell with an anxious yelp as his arm was yanked forward but Aoi was there. Aoi was _there._

It was the moment his cheek bumped against the raven’s chest that Kazuki’s mask dropped entirely. Burning tears began to stream down his face as he buried it against the firm embrace Aoi was holding him in and he didn’t know whether his heart was still beating or maybe it had long stopped, maybe it was the way that the raven’s hug tightened upon hearing his sobs that killed him or maybe it was the rapid pulse that he could feel beneath Aoi’s skin that revived him.

Kazuki didn’t know.

“Give it back,” he cried with a muted voice, smacking his fist weakly against where the guitarist’s heart lay, over and over _and over_ again. “Give me my heart back, Yuu.”

Aoi’s ribcage beneath his forehead was rising and falling slowly with heavy in- and outtakes of breath. He had wordlessly endured Kazuki’s feeble whams.

“ _Kaz…_ ”, he whispered at last but Kazuki didn’t let him come to word. There was a hand on top of his own now, he could feel the warmth radiating off it and shaking him to the core.

“It’s not fair. It’s not fair!” he continued sobbing, slender fingers digging into the black fabric of Aoi’s shirt and crumpling it while desperately searching for hold.

“Kazuki…”

“Why can you have my heart and I can’t have yours?! Why did you just- “ he hiccupped, unaware of how heartbreakingly helpless it made him look, “-j-just take it like that and use it a-and not give it back? Why did you touch it and say it means nothing and h-how can you- Why are you…” then his voice started losing its volume, “Why… you… Y-Yuu…”

He sniffed once more before falling silent for good. Was this what it felt like, to be pouring one’s heart out? There were still so many things left he wanted Aoi to know but he didn’t seem to have the strength for it anymore.  
All of a sudden, his body appeared to start… cooling down. The tension fell off his arms and as he relaxed noticeably against Aoi’s chest, so did the raven.

They stood soundlessly for a minute or two, Kazuki only listening to the heartbeat beneath his ear and the calm breathing of the man it belonged to, before Aoi withdrew at last. The glance he gave him once they were face to face again, once the guitarist’s palm was on his cheek and wiping away stains of tears, was so affectionate that it turned Kazuki’s knees to jelly. He was so in love with him.

“Hey,” Aoi smiled.

His own smile had a touch of anguish to it. How bittersweet this felt all of a sudden.

“Hi,” he said back.

“I don’t think I have to ask whether you really meant… all of this.”

The raven sighed once more and Kazuki thought that it must be absolutely impossible for any human being to look so beautiful while looking so sad.

“Kazuki, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything these past years. I’ve been dumb, I didn’t know it meant that much to you. I hurt you, deeply and I… _I’m really sorry._ ”

Kazuki sniffed as he returned the other’s gaze. Why weren’t they feeling complete yet? Was there still… something missing?

“I know I probably won’t be able to make it all up to you but…”

He looked up.

“…if there’s something I can do- “

And spoke without thinking. He spoke with his heart.

_“Love me.”_

Seeing Aoi taken aback wasn’t something he was used to. It wasn’t something anyone got to see that often considering how the raven had always been good at keeping himself composed. This time, however, as he looked down at the younger male who had so frankly asked for one of the easiest thing on earth, he was dumbfounded.

Another round of silence passed, another round of staring at each other that even had Kazuki forgetting that he was still in Aoi’s arms, that Aoi still hadn’t let go; had only dropped his arms to around his waist.

“I-I… I’ll try.”

Kazuki smiled and it felt real again, at this point. He wasn’t upset at Aoi’s words, he understood them, actually. He hadn’t expected Aoi to suddenly fall in love with him or to confess that he’d always loved him and _all the teasing was just because I wasn’t sure if you felt the same._ This wasn’t a movie after all.

Confidently, which was a whole new emotion in itself when he was around the raven, Kazuki lifted his arm and stroked his fingertips over the smooth skin of Aoi’s cheekbone. In his mind, he took note that he definitely had to pray to whatever deity it was that was giving him this sudden confidence later on.

“That’s good,” he spoke softly and stood on his tiptoes. Aoi’s widening eyes was the last thing he saw and his gasp the last thing he heard before he pressed their lips together.

The kiss was tender, not what he had his first kiss with him expected to be, but definitely… not bad. It was at least a start, right? Kazuki was going to win. He put all his desire, all his passion and longing into their slow but deep liplock and he was going to win Aoi over. He just had to.

His smile was still there as they broke apart as if in slow motion and he sank back down on his heels. Aoi’s lips, too, curled upward and it made Kazuki feel like the happiest person alive. Which was ironic considering the state Aoi had found him in. But he couldn’t help it. He thanked whoever it had been that had gifted him the fucking whiskey.

“That’s enough for now.”


End file.
